Why I Will Be Poor

The other day i was discussing college stuff with a new friend over a toasty cup of coffee. We were talking about how ready we both are to be done with school (which would be "EXTREMELY READY", in case you were wondering), and he asked me the fated question that every Philosophy major dreads:


"What are you gonna do with THAT degree?"


I immediately threw the rest of my scalding hot coffee in his eyes and used the mug to beat him senseless, then stood over him in the midst of the alarmed coffee connoisseurs screaming "I will rule the world with my philosophy degree you stupid windbag!!!!".


Not really. But I did have a Scrubs-esque vision of that kind of thing.


Once I snapped out of my violent fantasy daydream, I took a a thoughtful sip, leaned in close, and replied, "I don't know. Whatever I want to do I suppose".


He gave the typical response, which is usually something like "cool" or " well, there ya go!". Which is a polite way of saying "don't ask ME for change when you live under a bridge buddy!"


I confess that this situation annoyed me more than a little bit; perhaps because it happens so often. I've spent the last four years of my life closely examining some things that are really hard to closely examine. And it's been difficult as hell.


But there's a reason for all of this, and it was said best by a professor I met last summer named Scott Carol. One day Scott said "College isn't about what you're going to do. College is about who you're going to become."


I couldn't agree more. And the statement doesn't just apply to college; it applies to everything.


But we forget that all the time. We live in a country where people have learned how to be great bankers and plumbers and programmers, but have forgotten how to be great...well, people.


And yes, I realize it sounds like I'm going on a little elitist rant here. Just bear with me.


You see, I'm tired of people asking me what I'm going to do with my degree and then smirking smugly when I say "I'm not sure yet". Because the truth is, I don't know yet. Maybe nothing. 


But the sweat, conflict, and grueling hours I put into this thing have made me a better man. Examining and constantly challenging my beliefs have both made me a stronger person. I'm proud of that.


"What are you gonna do with your life, man?"


I'm going to live it, and live it well.


Now, I'm not trying to advocate recklessly doing whatever you might feel like doing at the moment under the banner of "living your life". That's irresponsible and childish. But on the other hand, ask yourself why you are doing the things you do. Is it because you're being yourself? Or is it because you're trying to be someone else? Be you.


I know that sounds like Hallmark channel advice, and I know there are people who know me who will read this and second whether or not I live like this.


That's fine. But hear me out.


I mean, I get weary of the way our culture encourages its youth to paint themselves into a lifelong corner by having a three-tiered, 401k-ified, rustproof career plan by the time they're twelve (and please know that I hate casting wide nets with this kind of argument. But let's face it...)


So, good Lord, let's all do something original and contribute to the global community by not being worthless.


My friends, fellow pursuers of worthless college degrees: cheer up! You may never make a million dollars, and you may just make a billion. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that you do something hard; in fact, something so hard that you don't think you can hack it. Why? Because you can. And when you have stared down a demon that ominous while unsure of victory, you always walk away better. Always.

Up and Onward

I am standing on top of a mountain, looking down at everything I have climbed above this last year. A couple of times my rope almost snapped. 

Then there was that little tree I thought I could use as a hand hold, which did not work out. 

As I sit on the summit, out of breath and exhausted, I think about all of the different times along the way in which it would have been easy to stop climbing. There were times when I was tired, times when I was distracted and bored; even times when I just wasn’t interested in climbing anymore. But here I sit at the top, fiddling with the lid of this Swiss designed water bottle that only MacGyver could know how to open. 

One thing I have learned about climbing mountains this year is this: When you reach the top of one mountain, take a little time to rest at the summit, because when you turn around you will just find another mountain to climb. There is no repelling down from these mountains; only climbing.

I have been able to do two things this year that I have wanted to do my entire life. These were major checklist items. At the top of this mountain I have learned that living your dreams does not make you happy. 

I know this sounds a bit pessimistic, but, as I said, I am sitting at the top of this mountain right now, and this is true for me at the moment.

Let me explain. 

What I mean to say is this: Living your dreams will never make you happy unless you first learn to love yourself for who you are, not for what you are doing. If you ever attach your self-worth to the things you accomplish, you are in for a bumpy ride. 

Here’s the thing; when you base your happiness upon the things that you do, you will always need more things to do after you have done that which you set out to do.

Perhaps a less wordy translation might help: When you are what you do, you are also what you don’t do. 

And being human, you will screw up. You will suck every now and then. Not always, heaven forbid; but you’ll have your bad days. And if your entire self worth is dependent upon your doing well, being perfect, excelling, etc., then you are placing yourself in quite a conundrum. 

(Here is a thought: The nature of tasks is that they will be completed. This is a good thing if you are trying to accomplish something. This is a bad thing if your self-worth is tied to events, because you will always need a new event assure you that you are worth something. I think I am beginning to see that I’ve been drawing water from the wrong well to fill this little swiss bottle...)

Please don’t think I’m saying it’s bad to follow your dreams. Follow them until your lungs give out. But don’t do it without learning to like yourself along the way. Because at the end of the day there is no spotlight, no crowd to sing with you. There’s just you and your pillow, and it will be wet or dry depending on how happy you are with yourself.

So I am not going to stop climbing this mountain; not going to quit chasing after the life I have dreamed about since I was a little boy. I will chase my dreams, but on the way I’ll learn how to deal with myself; how to wear this skin and be comfortable.

And now that I have figured out how to open this God-forsaken water bottle, I am going to take a drink- a deep, deep drink- and then I am going to turn around and see what kind of mountain I am facing this week.